Day 24: I need a break

The month is nearing the end and my golden birthday is within a week now. I've taken the last couple days off from typing. Not from reflecting. So for the accountability checkers out there I guess I've met half of the goal for this journey to 30 on days 20-23 :)

The truth is after the retreat I led on Saturday I was beyond drained. Physically, mentally and emotionally I felt wiped. There are times in my life where I have experienced depression and can recognize now the oncoming symptoms and these last few days were flirting. When I see it coming on I try to get outdoors, go for walks, make to do lists and set mini goals that are accomplishable. Today felt like the first day I was making progress out of the fog. As I've been thinking what brought on this recent wave of depression I believe subconsciously I was forcing myself to hold on until my final committment of the semester. Saturday was it. My last big project/program for the spring. Yes there is still plenty on my plate to do, but the retreat was the last thing on the calendar that involved students and would impact others.

I am desiring a vacation.
I need a break.

I've not shared much publicly about my current job situation (one reason being Legal Counsel advised me not to and to save copies of any mention that I do). So I'll say in short summary that my former Director was reappointed to special projects in October this past year. This has left my colleague and I responsible for the department's operations until a search will happen (should be any day now). That's 7 months so far and likely another 3-4 before someone is able to come on. Pre-October was not an emotionally healthy environment for me. Post-October has been challenging in other ways as we navigate muddy waters with ambiguous responsibilities.

I need a break.

This spring semester has been the hardest for our family schedule with J's two evening classes. As Heath embodies the sterotype of toddler mood swings and meltdowns it requires a full tacticle team to manage some moments. Two nights a week I am doing that solo, and it is exhausting. There are three night classes left of the term and I am absolutely counting them down. This term has been the heaviest academic load for J too as he begins outlining his dissertation in one of the classes. I've been reminded many times this spring that we are in a season of our life- one that we knowingly chose- and it will pass, it is not forever.

So as the semester winds down, we are planning our break; A road trip back to Fayetteville where we can rejuvinate in our Arkansas community of friends.