Processing Change

Our life is full of change/anticipation of change right now. A lot of folks have asked how we are doing and feeling about all that is ahead with the move to Indiana, Jonathan starting in a new role, me not starting another job, etc. Last night I talked with Heath and explained it this way:

There are a lot of changes that are coming for our family and they are all pretty exciting, but with change comes this thing called stress. Some stress is good and some stress is bad. Even though we are excited for our move to Indiana and starting kindergarten there, it can still be sad to leave our friends here. Sometimes that stress of change makes our body react in ways that we aren't expecting, like having accidents or out of nowhere feeling sad or angry. And that is ok. This morning Mama felt easily frustrated when you weren't changing clothes to get out the door on time and I yelled, I'm sorry. I want you to know that I love you, even when I'm feeling stress because of change. And I know when you yelled at me today you still loved me. 

So, that is maybe a good summary of where I am at. Excited for change that is ahead. But trying to be self-aware in the stress that is lurking with so many details hanging in balance (the moving truck, the movers, the temporary apartment, the inspection report and closing on our house, ...). Heath is processing the move in his own 5 year old way and asking questions a little bit at a time to check in with what is important in the moment. Overall he is excited and senses our hopefulness about the move. He climbed into bed one morning this week with me and said "Mama, I'm really excited that daddy got a good job in Indiana. How many more days until we move?" And then the next day when his friend's birthday party invitation came for August and we told him we would be in Indiana already, an instant meltdown came with tears of sadness that he wanted to be here. Another random afternoon moment Heath said "but my Rainbow Rider friends are going to the Virginia Margaret Beeks (elementary school) and I'm not going to have any friends at the Indiana Margaret Beeks." I told Heath he was so good at making friends- better than I am, so he could help me when we meet new families at a park or something before school starts. He smiled big "Oh yeah- I could do that!" A couple days later when tucking him in to bed and talking (not about the move) he (randomly) said, "Mama, I'm really good at making friends, but it makes you nervous. That is ok, I will help you!"

One day at a time. We are figuring it out and trying to have extra grace for each other along the journey!