Day 25: Grown Up Girlfriends

I am in a mental battle with myself over this weekend's plans. Our church is doing a combined women's retreat with the campus side (college students) and downtown congregation (post college). When I get invited to all female things like this I revert back to high school a bit. I get anxious and fill my mind with what-if scenarios. I think I may not know anyone there. I sort out categories of people that will potentially be there that I wouldn't connect with until I am left in a category of one. There will probably be more college students than not. Most of the women in our congregation have different working schedules from me of either part time work or full time at home work. I work until 5pm and the "check in" is supposed to be 5-6 at a retreat center that is a 50 minute drive away. They said we should carpool, but I don't even know who is going. Heath has been acting up a lot lately and me leaving may cause more angst and abandon J to parent alone which I know feels overwhelming. So why am I even considering following through on my rsvp?

I enjoy being in community. I enjoy it best with the people that I know. But I can't know people if I don't risk a little and put myself in these situations opportunities. We've lived in Blacksburg for close to two years now and been part of the same church that whole time. Our family collective has good community, but I don't feel like I have any girlfriends. I was reflecting on that idea with J last month and in my venting I said I know I probably should rsvp to this women's retreat thing so I can make an actual effort towards female friendships (the kind that go outside of referring to someone as so-and-so's mommy).

I picked up a book a couple years ago called Grown Up Girlfriends. The premise was on healthy female friendships and how to get them and keep them when you are 'grown up.' I've often mentioned that life transitions have always been easiest when paired with an organized orientation experience. CA to OR- freshman Orientation, OR to TX, graduate school orientation, TX to AR- well we were newlyweds in that transition together. AR to VA has been different. Being a family of three with different roles (student and sugar mamma respectively) is not like past transitions. As a Relator I highly value getting to invest deeply in relationships, but I tend to keep a smaller circle of friends that I have poured in to. The thing is, those people don't move with me to every state I keep moving to. I have to start over. I try to tell myself I don't need new best friends, my bestie from OR is enough. But three hours time difference reminds me that regular interactions with shared new experiences are hard to come by through Skype.

So in my month journey of reflecting and being vulnerable, I'm taking another risk and following through on my rsvp to experience community with a group of ladies that may be nothing like me, and still give me a great opportunity to connect.